If I were writing Spinsterhood for Dummies...

If I were writing Spinsterhood for Dummies these would be some of the topics I would cover. The essentials, as it were for making it as an old maid:

Friends: the ones who don’t care that you are unmarried. They will always include you even if the table is set at an odd number. And they’re not including you because they feel sorry for you or think you are lonely. They just appreciate you and your company and no gathering is complete without you. This topic would also include Family, but only those family members who are also your friends. The just Family members, the ones you see at weddings and wakes, the occasional pig roasts and barbeques don’t count. They’re the ones who will speak about you behind your back, wonder about your shortcomings as an old maid and who will try to figure you out. Your friends have already figured you out and do not find you lacking in anything. They just love you.

Have a child or children to love in your life: and who love you. They can live in the next town or three thousand miles away. They will keep you young. They also might be the people to take care of you when you are old. No, just kidding, but they may just be your heirs.

Have a good mechanic: one you can trust. Also, a roadside assistant program. My father made all his daughters practice changing a tire and check the oil. It’s a good skill to know. But, when it’s dark and rainy out, or your just walking out to leave for work in the morning, it’s very comforting and hassle free to call that 800-number.

Finances:
· Have a tax-guy: why deal with the online tax process. Especially if you own anything and have assets. The fee paid is worth the time and worry.
· and a finance advisor-gal: I first started seeing Ann when I had nothing but I walked out of her office, after our first visit, feeling as if the weight of my financial future was off my shoulders. And, I’ve bought a condo since working with her. Just do it.
· Have a lawyer: not one on retainer, but the name of one you can call. I’ve a lawyer who handled my closing. Besides that she does immigration. If I’m ever in a situation that I need a lawyer for another reason (say I’ve finally cracked from the neighbors barking dog and killed the dog…or the owner!), I can call her get a recommendation for a criminal lawyer.

Fuck-buddies: do not have one unless you are absolutely sure that this is all that he is. If you are harboring thoughts of any type of relationship with him ,you are only fooling yourself and setting your self up for heartache. If this is a situation you are in now, end it and go to xandria.com and make a purchase.

Have a good, and/or several, vibrator(s).

I am not writing Spinsterhood for Dummies. First of all we’re not dummies. We know all we need to do to live our lives and know what we need to survive. We don’t need rules. We haven’t quite lived by the rules, have we? And we don’t need statistics, either. Though I do have in front of me a chart that shows the breakdown, state-by-state, of the percentage of women who have never married. And the winner is…The District of Columbia with 46.2% (and DC is not even a state. And Puerto Rico is not included. Isn’t Puerto Rico the 51st state???). New York is second at 30%. I printed this in 2007 so it may have changed. But, that is just a statistic and life isn’t made up of statistics. It’s made up of you and me and how we have chosen to live our lives. Or perhaps, it wasn’t a choice and just the way our lives turned out. Either way it’s where we are now.